Aug
10
Released: Out now
Certificate: 12A
Director: Stephen Sommers
Screenwriter: Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett
Cast: Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Ray Park
Distributor: Paramount
Running Time: 118 mins
Every summer there are one or two films that set out from the off to market themselves as brainless actioners, features that have no pretense to intelligence or competence but instead rely on audiences to forgive these assumedly inconsequential aspects of cinema in order to deliver lots of flashing lights and loud noises, accompanied by a gratuitous display of abs and breasts. G.I. Joe is the epitome of this peculiar sub-genre of cinema, one that attempts to bypass all coherency in storytelling or development of character with a series of blistering set pieces designed to wrong-foot the audience and keep their attention on the whiz-bang for its (lengthy) running time.
The story starts with the development of nanotechnology-based weaponry capable of destroying entire cities in the time it takes you to make your way through a bucket of popcorn. After two Special Forces soldiers are assigned to protect it and their convoy comes under attack, they end up joining an elite multinational force named in a very American fashion, and must save the world. That’s pretty much all you need to know about the plot, because aside from a number of highly irritating flashbacks that aim to add some turgidity to the otherwise flaccid characterisation, it’s more or less irrelevant. Director Stephen Sommers wants you to sit back and enjoy the sword fights and rampantly self-indulgent chase scenes that litter the film in five-minute blocks. In this, at least, he shows off his best work during the fights between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, where unlike another purely adrenal film this summer, you can actually see who’s fighting who. Unfortunately he’s let down by the decidedly ropey CGI that permeates the entire presentation, and a permanent sense of disbelief that mostly any of the characters could hold their own against a wet paper bag.
G.I. Joe isn’t just a bad film, it’s a bad film with absolutely no intention of ever trying to be good. It’s filled with the kind of one-liners that would make Uwe Boll cringe, and a startling lack of personality which, ironically, was what gave the toy line its popularity in the first place. The appallingly dismal performances from everyone involved serve to hammer the final nail in this film’s grossly opulent coffin. Don’t be suckered into thinking that this is just a mindless distraction from intellectual films, it’s just not very enjoyable, and the cast and crew have no one to blame but themselves for that.
G.I. Joe lacks structure, believability, decent characters, competent actors and the helmsman has clearly abandoned ship. Save yourself a headache and don’t bother with this one.
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Saw it over the weekend and have to say the review is incredibly harsh. Sure, it aint great but I enjoyed it better than Transformers 2 and actually left the theatre feeling I got my monies worth. I would have given it a solid three stars. If I were a betting man I would say the press are reviewing this film harshly because they didn’t get an early screening.
Actually, we decided long before Paramount did that we would be viewing this locally rather than in press screenings, on account of the fact that we’d miss its release due to publication dates.
I just didn’t like the film, for the reasons outlined in detail above.
I live in Germany and G I JOE will hit the cinemas within this week. I watched the trailer and wanted to see the film. But I read several reviews including yours. AND they all are negative. So many reviewer can’t be wrong. Thank you for your frankly words. Now I know I will spend the money for another movie.
No matter how many bad reviews I read, i’m still excited to see this. It looks like it’s really fun and big, like Con Air, a bad movie but just really fun. A bad A-movie can be a good B-movie.
Yeah, I went in kind of excited for a glitzy B-movie, but I found it failed on that front for me.
I agree with the criticisms, but thought the film was enjoyable in a so-bad-it’s-good kinda way. My friend and I tried to spot how many times they borrowed elements from Team America, which was amusing.
I did at one point think ‘If they had spent less on unecessary special effects, they could have afforded some good actors’.
I disagree the chase-scene was overindulgent, I thought it was cool as, and am wondering where I can get one of the those running suits!
I liked it. I know by many critics–it was a disappointment. But I enjoyed it. I liked the schmaltizness of it. The score was half-way decent. As another reviewer here said it was far superior to Transformers 2, which got off the track in so many different ways. I even found myself humming the “I Promise” theme which I purchased on the CD.
Do wish they could have included the classic GI Joe tv theme. That would havd been fun.
The acting, in particular by the performer who did Duke, could have been better since he should have shown more depth with his past relationships with Ana (the baroness) and Rex. Everyone else did okay with what they had to do. And remember this is supposed to be summer popcorn movie, no thinking required. . . . And it was FAR better than Transformers 2.
Not every film has to be serious
James
I finally saw the movie, it was beyond cringe-worthy. The sad part is, that these movies have box-office success. Which means that as long as you market something well, it’ll make money. It’s a toy promotion clip. I won’t even go into the details of the movie because that would give this ‘movie’ too much credit. It’s a product, it has nothing to do with (forgive my pretentiousness, but in this case it should be allowed) art, and the art of making movies.
By the way, Sienna Miller and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are the smartest actors in this thing, because they’re pretty much unrecognisable. I think that was the only way Gordon-Levitt would do this.
The most god-awful abortion of a movie I’ve seen since Ralph Finnes starred in The Avengers. Not a single good point about this and it comes to something when Sienna Miller is the best thing about a film!